Wafi Aziz Sattar
Published: 2019-07-30 15:00:00.0 BDST
What I am about to write in this blog is hard to put into words. It is hard to talk about but I hope it will be read and will help someone somewhere truly understand broken people better.
The greatest strength a person possesses is the strength of patience. Patience is virtue. But patience is also a challenge that can be hard to encounter and conquer in the face of absolute loss of self-control.
The inner demons that constantly wrestle with the mind of an individual is deeper than what they may portray on the surface.
Some individuals find purpose in life solely through being of service to others, ensuring the well-being of others are met. Personal struggles are often hard to talk about as those who they wish to talk to may not be available to hear them out. What seems like constant whining may actually be a cry for attention, seeking help. What seems as paranoia is actually self-doubt and they want those who they open up to, to understand it. More often than not, these loved ones often don’t care, usually selfish (as in, they care, but not as deeply enough as the other), and do not give the same priority to the broken as the broken give them.
There are those who wish to help, they are the ones who wish to find out and are there by the side of these broken people, but often their sympathy becomes a burden for the broken and they shut them out. “I don’t want to talk about it now”, “I will tell you about it later”, “go away”, “leave me be/leave me alone”, “please don’t ask” are defensive mechanisms. Empathy is important and neither parties can provide it.
The mind is a dangerous place when the sufferers are left alone with their thoughts. Sleep is impossible. Endless apologies, effort and services offered voluntarily to those who the sufferers care for and want attention from to help address their problems and help them heal are often met with no courtesy.
Such people who seek happiness in the happiness of others prefer time over “thank you” and crave for long talks and not much else. What comes thereafter with the talks may heal or break more, but that time that was given to them is the only gift that they truly desire for from friendships they know can heal.
Broken people don’t want much. All they want is a little tender loving care.
Broken people when they shut themselves out, do so to try to heal, but the noise, not voices, inside their head becomes too much to take. When they are asked to sleep to heal, it is not always possible. When the head hits the pillow it’s the damaging thoughts that come to play at the playground of self-loathing and feeling of “not being good enough”.
Self-harm is a form of relief. The thoughts start small and then grows. The tools go from harmless to more harmful. Emotions are overwhelming and the pain is releasing. The self-harm is better than the next worst thought which actually feels like a good idea – the ending.
The ending actually seems a better option by the broken because it is the ultimate release. While their departure may leave many broken, what difference do the broken truly make when they are here? No matter how many positive words are spoken by many, the ones who need to speak are silent or do not care enough and that silence is the final push most broken people need for their exit.
The concept is simple. The feeling of guilt is non-existent when there is no mind left to think when then broken person is gone.
The personal hell of the broken may lead to their personal heaven, or so they think.
Depression is real. Those who care should be calmer and those who should care should pay more attention before it is too late – and it is usually always late. When the broken do speak up to the latter group, they are often met with “have you ever thought of how I feel” type of statements and often respond with “sorry” and resort to the violent space inside their head which causes much more self-harm.
Pay attention. The end is nearer than you think.